Control
The more I have it, the more I lose it.
It was the bitter sleep of the cold night when I heard it: Tap… tap… tap… The first drop had only humiliated the uninvited visitor that was sleep but I held on to its chains just a little longer before my eyelids broke the dust apart. Tap… tap… tap… I felt the need to wake up but the urge to cling to the sheets half open, overflowing off the bed, just a little longer before the clamour in the night broke a sweat. Tap… tap… tap… The bathroom door was ajar the exhaust still running; a glint caught the whites of my eyes, slit open just a little longer before the mirror gave room to the shadows. Tap… tap… tap… I had the urge to wake up but my side of the bed was warmly inviting and held the colds of the dead half just a little longer before I urged my sleep to roll over. Tap… tap… tap… who’d left the faucet running? I voiced a question to no one, in particular but the dark room held its answer just a little longer before the dust settled on my sensibilities. Tap… tap… tap… I got up and the bed groaned of my weight, and the muscles groaned of my wait to think before acting just a little longer before the pain made my knees give way. Tap… tap… tap… the floor was colder and firm my sweat, sickly thin, caked the floor and my arms ached when I pushed just a little longer before I could catch my breath, long lost. Tap… tap… tap… the faucet continued its rhapsody and I, the only servant of the house, pushed the door into a submissive creak just a little longer before the hinges yielded to my ugly rhythm. Tap… tap… tap… there it was, the culprit of the dark, the disturber of thoughts and quiet, so I tightened the handle and held just a little longer before decisively ending the argument. Tap… tap… tap… my feet declared my burdens on the moonlit floor glazed with my sweat so I dragged them the rest of the way just a little longer before the knees crumpled on the soft foam. My eyes were ready to weave affirmations of my life’s solidified truths; my body was ready to accept in full the only embrace of the fallen sheets; my bed was ready to welcome me before the crack of unwelcome dawn. When, just like the arguments I lost, I heard it: Tap… tap… tap…
